The Warpfish Chronicles

"27 years on the planet, and I still haven't figured out what's going on."

Why I give money to people on the street -- April 24th, 2001

I'm not perfect. I wish I was, a lot of the time.

Whenever I'm asked for spare change, I usually give a tooney (two dollar coin, for those from places outside Canada), and then walk away, sometimes wondering if I could have done more, or if I should have done anything in the first place. It also depends on my mood, and whether or not I actually have change. Sometimes I really wonder if I'm fulfilling the spirit of Christian charity that I'm supposed to follow, and I wonder what God will say when my time comes.

I'm really good at having a guilty conscience. It comes from having high standards, and a very strong sense of right and wrong. I don't necessarily know how to help, but I try the best I can. Sometimes, it's even good enough.

Now, I know that some homeless people are out there because they want to be out there. Some people are doing it as a scam. Some people are going to use the money to buy drugs, or booze, or do something horrible. Those people need a different type of charity, that I can't really give. Even then, I still give the tooney out, simply because I might be wrong about them.

However, today, it was a teenaged girl, who quietly came up to me and asked for some spare change; somebody who looked like she hadn't had a fair break in all her life. I dropped my usual two bucks and moved on. Or, at least, tried to.

I felt guilty again. I know there's very little one person can do to deal with the homeless situation -- I know that some people don't want to be helped, or who don't deserve to be helped.

But this wasn't all homeless people, this was one person who looked like she needed a break, that she need something to remind her that there was more to life than the struggle to survive. A damsel in distress, so to speak.

Maybe it was a scam, but I didn't think so. You see it in the eyes -- it's that look of hopelessness that you can't really act. Only those who have hit rock bottom can do it. Only those who have come close to, or have hit rock bottom themselves can see it.

So I went back and dropped a twenty, and told her to get a hot meal. She quietly exclaimed "My gosh", looked at me with bugged-out eyes, and said "Thank you", this time with a small honest, slightly confused smile, and a small twinkle in the eye.

I'll probably never see this person again, and she'll probably never read this. But I hope she gets off the street. I pray that she will, that she'll turn her life around. I wish I could do more.

I hadn't solved the homeless problem -- I'm not sure I had even really contributed to its solution. I definitely don't know how to solve the homeless problem. And I know the scammers and the rest of those types are out there. However, there are people who need help, who want help, but who don't know where to turn. For a single moment, one of those people saw a little happiness in a life with very little happiness.

That's why I give money to people on the street.

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