The Warpfish Chronicles

"28 years on the planet, and I still haven't figured out what's going on."

Pratchett -- May 23rd, 2002

It didn't feel like a usual book session though -- I felt like I had walked back in time, back to the days when I went to Star Trek conventions. Right down to the crazy fans in the front row, who obviously haven't showered in several days. True fandom. True geeky fandom. It was great. (8-)

During the session, he related some amazing stories. Here are some of them to the best of my memory.

The librarians must have thought "What a fool, he comes in on Saturdays from 10 to 4 and does this all for free." Pratchett thought "What fools -- I now have 130 Library tickets."

Also, now as a 'librarian' he was allowed to leave the children's area and look at books in other parts of the library. That's how he discovered Fantasy writing. "Now, at the time (this was in the 50's), the number of British authors writing Fantasy could be counted on the fingers of one hand after a horrible industrial accident", so, Pratchett moved on to other sections, starting with the Fantasy section and moving along to Mythology, Ancient History, and Anthropology. In Pratchett's mind, they were all very similar: Fantasy: Men beating on each other with swords. Mythology: Men beating on each other with swords. Ancient History: Men beating on each other with swords. Anthropology: Men beating on each other with sticks.

But, he says, the formulative part of these years was the fact that he read all books the same way he read fantasy books -- not as something to be learned or studied, but as a way to have fun. That's what carried his love of books to this day.

On Video Games being violent and Satanist: You know, Doom the video game? Lots of fun -- you go around blowing thins up until you meet the lead demon and blow him away too. We've tried prayer, fasting, holy water, and a whole bunch of other things to get rid of Satan -- I've got no problems in using a Minigun. (For those who don't know -- the Minigun is a 6 barrelled gun, with the barrels rotating around a centre point at a high rate of speed. The gun can spit out about 1000 rounds per minute, or more.)

On working as a Press Officer in the Nuclear Industry in Britain: One day, he has to report that a power plant in his area of responsibility has spewed out 2 tons of carbon dioxide. Most of the reporters take it quietly, except for one who questions loudly about how a power plant could release so much of such a dangerous gas? (I suppose he calmed down again when he learned that carbon dioxide appears naturally in Earth's atmosphere as a byproduct of respiration, and there's about 700 billion tons of it up there right now.)

On teaching role-playing games: Back in the 70's, when worries came out that RPGs were Satanist, Pratchett was working for a British newspaper. A bunch of the receptionists in the classified section (the people who answered the phones to take ads) were worried that their sons and daughters would be caught up in it. Pratchett volunteered to run a roleplaying game for them, to show them what it was all about, and show them that it was harmless.

These receptionists were the classic stereotypical solid British mother, frumpish, with names like Pam and Margaret. Hold that picture in your head.

So, the day came, and Pratchett ran the stereotypical RPG adventure -- talk to old man who explains there's a princess held in a castle, rescue the princess, get a couple of bits of treasure, and leave. For most groups, when in the castle, they take it slowly because there are traps and surprises that come out of nowhere.

So, this group of 30 and 40 something British women come in, beat and torture the old man, then run to the castle. Inside, they're running all over the place, and whenever they come across bad guys, they tie them up and force them to run ahead of the party to set off whatever traps they can find. They end up killing the princess in a crossfire, and they send two of their party back to a local village (hastily created by the Dungeon Master) to grab every pack animal that they can find so they can completely loot the castle.

Now, for those who role-play, you'll understand this -- when you remember an adventure in your head, you don't remember a group of people around a table with paper and dice. You remember the scenes that you've created, you see the party run around in costume, that sort of thing.

In Pratchett's mind, when he remembers this, he sees the women in skirts and blouses and telephone operator headsets, with bloodied swords hanging from belts, leading a large herd of pack animals away from this large castle, burning away in the distance, with bodies of monsters strewn everywhere.

And, at the end of the adventures, one of the mothers says: "Well, that's alright now, isn't it?"

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